Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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