I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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