im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You can't motorboat a personality
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
