What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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