i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
