Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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