I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
