I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
