I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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