I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
