she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A bitchslap is in order.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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