I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Everclear isn't food dammit
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
