i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
