I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize