I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
