His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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