I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
