I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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