So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
