One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
