She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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