I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
