I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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