What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
