fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Slut skills are useful in every country.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We need to get me chipped asap
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
