You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so let's talk penis.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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