Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize