my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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