I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
