It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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