It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
