It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
