You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
