i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
