Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
