Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have grass duct taped all over my body
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
