I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
People in love make me want to vomit
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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