Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
