ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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