goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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