i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize