just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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