In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
