Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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