He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize