So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your penis caused this!
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