im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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