Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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