We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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