Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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