so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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