she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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