I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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