Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
