i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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