1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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