i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
