fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
