she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
