I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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