jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
