Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I love having hate sex.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
