How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
