Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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