I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
