Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
