i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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