You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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