Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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