did you get engaged???
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
