Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
