SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
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you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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