They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What's dad's email?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.