Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.