you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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