"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...