I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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