New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
