I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
